In the midst of making hundreds of celebration decisions, many couples neglect to give much thought to the choice of who will be the conductor, event-tempo-setter and co-star of their wedding ceremony. 

The selection of a wedding officiant is a decision which has the potential to enhance the beauty, personalization and sacredness of your vows. Additionally, your officiant will impact the tone of your ceremony, live on in your photos and videos, and (depending on how good or bad they may be) stay in your wedding memories forever!

RELIGIOUS, JUDGE, JUSTICE OF PEACE, NOTARY

Do you have a relationship with a “professional” officiant? If you don’t (or they don’t know your partner) make certain to meet and have a conversation before you book them. Some officiants are open to customizing nuptials and some, for a variety of professional or religious reasons, are not. Topics that you may want to discuss include:

• Your names. It’s disappointing and embarrassing to have an officiant mispronounce either of your names on your wedding day.

• Both of your stories. If one partner has known the officiant for many years, the officiant’s remarks may unintentionally become a one-sided tribute to (or trip down memory lane for) just one side of your new family. Balanced representation during your ceremony is the best way to begin your combined lives. 

• Your values, plans, experiences. If you don’t envision having children, you probably won’t want an officiant projecting about “someday when you bring children home…”  If it’s not your first marriage (or your parents are divorced) you probably don’t want “the sins of dissolving a union” as a central theme of your ceremony. If you are unwilling to take a vow “to obey” then you should discuss language choices with your officiant in advance.

     

INTERNET ORDINATION OF A FAMILY MEMBER OR FRIEND

Thinking of asking a non-professional “special someone” to help orchestrate your ceremony? At our venue, we’ve seen this go spectacularly well and spectacularly bad. Often, a friend or family member is able to personalize the ceremony in a loving and memorable way that no professional can. But not every best friend or favorite aunt is a good speaker...and not every good speaker is a good officiant.  Here are points to consider when asking a treasured family/friend to take on this important role:

1. Does your unofficial officiant have experience/comfort speaking in front of an audience? No matter how great they are at telling jokes and stories at parties, conducting a wedding ceremony is different. Does your selected special someone have the skills/personality/confidence to pull this off?

2. Will your unofficial officiant prepare?  One of the saddest ceremonies we’ve witnessed was a best-friend-officiant who stood up, took the microphone and said, “Well, I thought I would just wing it today because I love these two so much!  But seeing all of the faces sitting in front of me...my mind is blank. I honestly can’t think of what to say next...I’m sorry. What should I do now?” An officiant needs to prepare. There are a variety of wedding ceremony scripts available online that can serve as either a guide or a starting point for someone who wants to get creative. A good officiant uses notes, notes, notes! Also make certain that your friend or family member provides you with a copy of their ordination paperwork in advance. We had one case where a couple was forced to delay their honeymoon as they searched frantically after the ceremony for a professional officiant to make their marriage legal!  

3. Will your non-official officiant practice? There are many components to conducting a wedding ceremony. In addition to managing the timing of the various ceremony events (welcome to guests, telling guests when to sit or stand, making remarks about the couple, addressing parents, children, the reciting of vows, exchanging of rings, lighting of unity candle, introducing special vocalist/song, etc.) there are other practical considerations. Your friend/family member will likely have a microphone/sound system to work with. They may or may not have a podium available for keeping notes. If the ceremony is outside, any script or notes may need to be placed in a 3-ring binder as a wind gust can blow them all away. Make certain that your officiant is willing to put in the practice time and is available for a rehearsal.